Monday, November 23, 2009

I can't wait

I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm seeing Dane in less than two days.
It's been three months since we've seen each other.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Long time no blog

Thanksgiving break starts tomorrow.
SO excited.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

Summer Job

I need a job.
Sure, I have my dream internship, but I need income.
Any one have any ideas ??

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Insane Dream

I know that people most likely in blog-land won't care about hearing my dream last night, but I want to put it down for the record.

It took place in a run-down house that used to be a home. I was given a small nook of sorts, filled with children, protected by a frail door. I tried to keep those children safe with all of my might, but each minute a stronger force tried to knock it down. Eventually there was nothing left. 

I tried to make a break for it, I needed to escape all of this termoil. This hawaiian, large, atrocious, guard was sunbathing on the roof. Of course, as I do in most of my dreams, I attempted to seduce the enemy. It was working until tried to bite my ear off. Literally. I some how jumped from the roof (of what felt like my grandparents' two flat) on to the upper half of the tall fence. He tried to catch up with me, but I held an almost supernatural power that motivated to run faster than I ever have.

As I ran, the almost orange-haired woman who caused all of the war and pain in that house yelled out after me : "you can never truly run away from me". This was terrifying. I remember weakening a bit, then re-gaining my strength.

I've tried to search through my brain for the transition between this running-away scenario and the next. However, often enough, dreams lack fluidity that life does. So I let it go.

The next scene, I am with Dane. We're running away from her, yet again. This time it is dark, and we are on the side of some highway. I can only suppose that as I was running away from the red head's temple of doom, Dane decided to go with me. Once again as we were running away from the red-headed sorcerer of sorts, she cackled a variation of "you can never truly run away from me".

We ran so fast, we ended up at a hotel in Florida. It was beautiful, all of my friends were guests for some reason, but it reeked of this boarding-school aura. I felt trapped. The layout was a bit like my old dorm hall, Busey. I tried staying with my friends Jordan and Liz in their room (Dane became absent for a while), but I wasn't supposed to be there. It turned out the red head owned the hotel and ran it. 

For some reason, I could approach her in this setting.  I felt emotionally distant from her. I shyly confronted her, wincing,  " How mad at me are you?". I felt like a teen talking to their parents about how they threw a party while they were out of town. She told me that she couldn't even bear to describe how mad she was at me. I decided that I should leave the hotel. 

Since my best friends are so loyal, they abandoned their perfectly good lives at the redhead's hotel. We knew the red head would be mad that we abandoned her, so we all had to make anonymous names. Everyone knew we were escaping, and since everyone was afraid of the reign of the big bag redhead, they wanted our heads on shishkabob sticks so they could present them to the redhead and earn her love. 

Jordan, Veronica, Kelsey, Liz, Maria and I all moved in together in a new dorm hall in a large city in Florida that is unspecified. As we walked through the halls of the dorm I peeked through the cracks of the doors. The rooms looked like pages out of a pbteen magazine. I got excited. When our guide showed Jordan and I our room, our jaws dropped. In two of the beds lay our room mates, who were guys. We didn't really know how to react. I couldn't even describe my own emotions, I was excited, scared, and kind of weirded out a bit. 

Kelsey, Jordan and I took a trip to the local Costco. We looked through everything in the store (and we all know that costco is HUGE). We decided on getting three things. Almonds, lasagna, and something else. Kelsey was VERY against purchasing the almonds. I don't remember why though.

Of course, I bet you're hoping for an awesome ending that ties everything together....but it's a dream. And dreams usually don't HAVE endings because we're woken up.

I got back to my dorm, met a third room mate who wasn't wearing a towel (lol). And then suddenly I panicked, what the HELL was I doing in Florida? Dane popped up and told me he was taking me home. I felt oddly protected. But I knew that I could "never truly run away" from that redhead.

I didn't realize who the redhead was until I wrote this out. But now it all makes perfect sense.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

It's my birthday in three days!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

My Baby Breezey


This is my new baby!
Just like this, but yellow.
Aint' she a beauty?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Last Night

It's my last night as a freshman at college. It's so crazy. This year has gone by so fast. I'm so excited to see my baby and my bffjills. At the other end of the spectrum, I'm going to really miss my U of I family (Vero, Jor, Liz, Maria, and Kels). I hope this summer is full of good times with them, but worse comes to worst I'll be with them 24-7 next fall :).

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Moon Secret

A seraphic sound emerges between
during an exchange with the man on the moon

The stars glimmer in the country azure
and reflect in the tears of the polis
in perfect cadence.

The wind whispers through maize
And howls betwixt tall giants
in perfect harmony.

Like two versus in a melody;
Together and apart.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Those Nights

I miss those nights. You know, the ones where we had nothing to do. There were no boyfriends, there were no job applications, in fact, there was very little to do at all. I think that's what I miss the most, having so little to do, so that we made things to do. Exciting adventures to the HIP on the bus, passing our stop on the way home. Pulaski and Irving felt like Africa to us. One block felt like 30 miles. The world was so big then! I miss those nights so much. Climbing up mounds of snow that felt like mountains. Sleepovers were such a treat. Then again. They still are. Maybe the world still is just as big.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I got it!


I got the internship!
I was so sure I didn't get it.
But I did!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

An opportunity of A lifetime


Sketch for "Rose Dress".

He loves day dresses. He loves the earth. He's my fashion soul mate. And I have an interview with him.


http://stevenrosengard.com/

Come on, let's have some fun


I'm feeling rough I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

MTV knows me well...

I'm watching MTV's true life "I have a long-distance relationship". Same pattern every time, the girl makes more effort than the guy, they fight about commuting to see each other, they fight about money, but at the end of the day it's still worth it all. Guess I'm not alone on this.

Monday, March 30, 2009

One month left of college??

What the fuck!?

My freshman year of college is almost over...when did this happen??

Weko, Montrose Harbor, Michigan City, Oak Street, here I come.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

What if?



He's a smart kid and I really want him to go to Emerson. He deserves it and I am so mad that money is in the way of him and his ideal education. He is so talented and I feel like if he goes to Emerson he will bloom into an even more amazing person. I mean, Columbia is cool, don't get me wrong. I just know that my Dane deserves the best there is. I have this really strong feeling that he is going to go to Emerson somehow. He is so ambitious when it comes to film making...

But what if? What if he goes to Columbia and stays in Chicago? We'd be able to stay together...I'm just scared I will hold him back from spreading his wings. If he went to Emerson he would have to survive on his own without any one to lean on, which I feel would make him grow up a lot, I know going to college helped me grow up a hell of a lot.

I don't know, I just want him to be happy. I hope everything works out to benefit him in the end. I do love him a lot.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Diana Christina Moya James!

Don't you just love it when you get an urge to renovate your life? It's my favorite. And I have them a lot. I don't really know how to explain myself, but I'm going to try because I want to know if other people feel the same way.

Sometimes I'll be showering, and I'll suddenly have a strong desire to pamper myself, to clean my room, to take care of my body and soul. I get this feeling so much and it is the most enjoyable impulse I can think of. I try to evoke this feeling as much as possible. One tactic I've used is making lists. I LOVE making lists. They make my life feel so much more, I don't know, exciting. I get to focus on the good things in life, things I'm looking forward to, such as goals for the summer.

Who the hell reads these things? I feel like I am ranting and any one who reads this will either skim through this and not think anything of it, read the whole thing and completely understand where I'm coming from, or think I am crazy.

My friends make fun of me for cleaning my room and wanting to spend so much time upstairs in my room by myself. I just enjoy being in an environment that caters to me, an environment with inspirational art and organized shelves. Am I crazy?

No, I'm not. And I can say this in confidence because there is one person that fully understands me like no one else; Diana Christina Moya-James. Even as kids, we both were extremely creative, and I believe that this is where all of these impulses and desires for self-renaissance and inspiration root from. So I would like to dedicate this post to her, and let her know that I am very happy there is someone out there that understands why Michael's is so exciting to me, why planning parties that never happen are enjoyable, and why my yearning for inspiration is so strong.


Shit, I wrote a lot.

If you know me, you'll laugh.

Gemini: You will have a strong urge to organize and clean today. Who woulda thunk it? .

Friday, March 6, 2009

Today is a good day.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Wish List





Dress Obsessed

Is it weird that part of me wants to move to California JUST so I can wear dresses? I mean I guess there's the ocean, the gorgeous weather, the celebrities... But its mostly the dresses. Hehe.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Keeley Bee works out

I signed up for this membership at my gym so I can attend any sort of work-out class throughout the semester. So far I've had the pass for three days, and have gone each day. I am enjoying it so much!!! I went to a ballet-fit class, a cardio-kick class, and today I am going to a yoga class. It makes me feel so self confident and on top of my shit, basically. It doesn't even matter to me if it effects my body, because I am totally fine with my body. It is more about being healthy. I want to live as long as my grandmother lived. I want that magical number- 99 - to be mine as well. I want to show her, and the world, how strong of a granddaughter she raised. 

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Back where we belong


Why do I get to be so damn happy? I love life. I'm young, intelligent, self-confident, I have four gorgeous best friends who I practically live with, and as far as romance goes-let's just say I've got the best Valentine a girl could ask for. I feel like I've got all that I want in life, which is the most satisfying sensation I've ever experienced.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Could college get any better?

Mondays rock because I get to play with makeup and have class with Jordan.
Tuesdays rock because I get to talk about saving the planet and learn about costume design.
Wednesdays rock because I start my mornings with Liz and end my days with Jordan.
Thursdays are okay....
Fridays rock because I have on class at it is at 1 O'clock.


I love my life.
I'm a very happy girl.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Every Night


For the past couple of weeks I've been listening to Robin Thicke's new album "Something Else" as a go to sleep. I used to associate him with my ex because he sang our song (Angel), but now I just associate him with comfort and safety, which is really nice. His voice is so soothing, check him out.

Fresh Start

There are some good things left in Chicago that I'm going to miss, but I am SO ready to go back to Chambana. I miss my four best friends, I miss Late Night, I miss everything that I thought I wouldn't miss! I even miss Krannert...don't know how that happened! I never thought I would say it, but I am just so ready to get out of Chicago!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

She's Gone

Ninety-nine year old Christine Mullowney passed at 6:00 P.M. last night, January 5th, 2009. 

Rest in Peace Grama. We'll always have tea-time.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Phone Call

I got the same phone call I got 6 months ago today. "We think your Grandma is going to die very soon". Don't even know what to say. She's 99. Yes, 99 years young. When they shined the light in her eyes, there was no response. Apparently her body is beginning to shut down. But my Grama is the most stubborn woman I know. If she doesn't want to go, she won't!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The girl who made a career out of her nervous habits....

I think I should be an interior decorator. I rearranged my room again today. Although, I never feel satisfied with it. I think it might be because my walls are filled with writing and drawings, and there is a maze on my ceiling. I'm constantly surrounded by my past (notes from ex boyfriends, ex friends, memories from seasons past), and I've decided that I am going to cover them up and move on with my life. Sure, I can always re-visit them. However, I'm frankly sick of looking at "Jimmy has bad handwriting, and he is cool", with "is cool" crossed off and replaced with "sucks". This is just one of the things I stare at as I fall asleep. A lot of which are from this past summer, which I love and regret revisiting so many times.  I need to move on.

Although I'm striving so hard to make a new chapter in my life I keep flipping back to pages I've already read
. That's why I covered up the first wall today. Felt good. 

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New year

Two-thousand-and-eight was crazy. There were so many firsts, I lost my grandma, went away to college, experienced falling in (and out of) love,. I wonder what next year will bring. 

Life feels so strange right now, I have had such rhythm and familiarity in the past year and recently everything feels chaotic and scary. My resolution is to feel safe on my own and  be independent. Every time I try, I  feel even more vulnerable.

I miss feeling safe.